International "Be An Asshole" Day!Can someone explain something to me?
Why in the hell are we still doing April Fool's Day.
I'm being serious here. I think it's safe to say that we've worn this damned holiday into the ground.
April Fool's Day is supposed to be a day of subtle and witty humor. A day full of misdirection and trickery.
It is not a day for you to be an absolute asshole.
That's every other day.
Somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost the spark that defined this day. People used to be inspired to creativity and intelligence.
The following are not creative or subtle April Fool's Day pranks:
Ha ha! I punched you in the groin!
Ha ha! I took your insulin!
Ha ha! Now, you're pregnant!
These are not pranks. These are you being a dick and thinking that that's funny.
The entire point of April FOOL's Day is that you are supposed to FOOL someone. You're supposed to create a situation in which they believe something that is not true.
They're supposed to feel FOOLish.
It's in the damned name, people.
They're not supposed to be injured, humiliated, or bleeding.
You've sort of missed the point.
No, now people think April 1st means you can do whatever the hell you want as long as someone else gets the crap kicked out of them. Kick him in the face, throw a bucket of water on him, and then toss in some antiquing for good measure.
Truly, sir. You are a comedic genius.
And if it's not beating the shit out of someone, it's making up the most obviously fake news story and acting as if everyone hasn't already figured it out before you're even finished talking.
Do you know the most annoying place in the world on April Fool's Day?
Don't get me wrong. I love the internet.
We're very close.
But April 1st is the one day of the year that I can't stand reading anything on the internet. I just feel like turning off my computer and going outside.
Yeah, you heard me. OUTSIDE.
Now, you're probably thinking that this sounds like my perfect holiday. A day dedicated to screwing with others just sounds damned near perfect for me, doesn't it?
I'll give you that.
Then again, I screw with people every day.
It's just such a pain in the ass to try and actually read any of my favorite news sites when I'm hip deep in obviously fake bullshit.
Oh, hey... Warner Bros bought the Pirate Bay...
That seems perfectly reasonable. Let me just click on that link.
Oh, it was an April Fool's Day joke. Man, you really had me going there for a minute.
We all get it, okay? We know it's April 1st and there's going to be fake news.
There is, however, a difference between FUNNY fake news and the majority of what people put up today.
Jon Stewart... Funny.
Stephen Colbert... Funny.
Your story about Dane Cook starring in the next Star Wars movie... Not funny.
It takes a very special kind of humor to craft an April Fool's joke that is:
c) not annoying as F&%@
I'm not saying that you're not funny. I'm just saying that there's a pretty good chance your joke isn't THAT funny.
You'll notice that I didn't even bother with an April Fool's joke.
I totally could have. I could have put up this huge post about hate mail or quitting the blog or Susan dying.
But I didn't.
Because it wouldn't have been funny.
Three words in, 95% of you guys would have said "Yeah, yeah. April Fool's. Whatever." Then, you'd have to read the rest of the post that isn't even remotely funny if you know it's not true.
We're so jaded at this point that it's not even worthwhile putting a joke up. The majority of us took everything they heard or read today as being an April Fool's joke.
You know it's true. Your best friend could have called you to tell you that your mom just died and you would have called bullshit on him.
Ironically, this only becomes funny if she actually did die.
Otherwise, it's just sad.
Honestly, if I ever decide to turn to a life of crime (which is always a viable career option), I would commit all of my crimes on April 1st. You'd never get caught because no one would believe any of the witnesses.
"Uh huh. Yeah... Robbing the bank... He's got a gun... Suuurrrrrrreeeee."
We're all over it. We've grown beyond finding any of these jokes even remotely funny. We're so far beyond it that we readily assume anything you say today is an absolute lie.
You actually have to prove it's not a joke.
And none of it is funny anymore.
At best, we can muster up a half-hearted pity laugh before we look upon you with disdain.
How about next year, we just forget the whole thing and not even bother? We'll all get up, go to work, and just pretend it's like any other day.
Maybe it's time we all grew up a little bit.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go play video games until I fall asleep.