HypocrisySusan is not your typical woman.
She's MY typical woman.
I really hope you laughed at that. I'm probably going to get punched in the groin for saying it.
Now, while she's not a typical woman, she does do a lot of typically woman things.
Note: for the purpose's of our discussion, I will be referring to several activities as being "woman things". This is not an insult to women, but instead only relates to certain accepted preferences displayed by women. It is not intended to be offensive to strong, independent women.
So, you chicks calm down.
She watches chick flicks. Romantic comedies, romantic dramas, romantic tragedies...
Pretty much anything starring Julia Roberts.
And lacking in even remotely feasible plot.
I don't get it.
She reads romance novels.
I don't know who Nora Roberts is, but she puts out a new book every two weeks or something. I'm pretty certain she has a family trapped in her basement and she forces them to write novels about princes and firemen.
Susan reads them all the time.
I don't get it.
She watches "reality" television shows about babies and and people having babies and people with babies.
And people with A LOT of babies.
I don't get it.
But among the many stereotypically female things my wife enjoys, there is one that dwarfs all others...
If Susan has any obsession (other than playing FFXI), it would be shoes.
She has so many pairs of shoes. So very, very many.
Do you know how many pairs I have?
And one of them is the black pair in the back of my closet that I only wear to weddings or funerals.
To me, shoes are those things that keep me from standing barefoot on rocks or pavement. They're simply a layer of rubber between me and the ground.
To Susan... To Susan, shoes are works of art. Each one has it's own tiny and oh so important differences.
She has seven pairs of black shoes.
They all look identical.
Should you ever mistakenly mention how they all look identical, she will explain how very different they are and how very retarded you are.
And, no matter how many pairs of shoes she has, she is always looking for more.
I DON'T GET IT.
I really don't. This isn't some sort of stand-up comedy routine. I'm lost here.
They're just shoes.
So today, Susan and I were shopping...
Shopping is a general term here.
Basically, "shopping" can be defined as "Susan dragging me through a mall and stopping to look in every damned store".
Even the ones that don't sell video games.
Can you imagine?
Apparently, there are stores that don't sell video games.
I never really noticed.
And do you know what store we completely skipped over?
The lingerie shop.
The one clothing store I might actually enjoy going into and we skip it.
Do you know what we didn't skip?
Walls and walls and walls of shoes.
All of them exactly the same.
We're stood in the FIFTH shoe store of the day. Susan was trying on yet another pair of black shoes when I finally snapped.
[GM]Dave>> No more shoes.
Susan>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> If I have to look at another shoe...
[GM]Dave>> I am going to kick someone in the face.
[GM]Dave>> With my shoe.
Susan>> Oh, calm down.
Susan>> This is like the second store...
[GM]Dave>> This is number FIVE.
[GM]Dave>> There will not be a number six.
Susan>> This is important.
Susan>> I need new shoes.
[GM]Dave>> Explain to me why you need more shoes.
[GM]Dave>> More BLACK shoes.
Susan>> I need a nice pair for work.
[GM]Dave>> You have SEVENTEEN pairs of black shoes.
Susan>> Oh, but see those are different.
Susan>> See, this is a medium heel with...
[GM]Dave>> I will not listen to your crazy voodoo words.
Susan>> It's different.
Susan>> They're all different.
[GM]Dave>> REALLY NOT.
Susan>> You just don't get it.
[GM]Dave>> You know... I really don't.
[GM]Dave>> I really, really don't.
Susan>> Let me ask you a question...
Susan>> How many sets of gear do you have for your Dragoon?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I have a TP set, a soloing set...
[GM]Dave>> And a weaponskill set.
[GM]Dave>> Actually, it really depends on which weaponskill.
[GM]Dave>> Each one requires slightly different...
It's not women that are crazy.
We're ALL crazy.
Apparently, I can learn new things.
Despite what Susan would tell you.
Then again, I doubt any of her shoes gives her a +6 to accuracy and +3% to haste.
I'm pretty sure they don't.
She does have a lot of shoes, though...