Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Good Old Days

I'm sorry, but does anyone else miss the days before the world went F&%@ING insane?

The 90's wasn't the best decade. It gave birth to the boy band craze, Melrose Place, and a million other things I'm sure we'd all love to collectively forget.

MC Hammer, I'm looking at you.

But, looking back, I can honestly say the world was a lot less screwed up.

Today, I half cringe whenever I turn on the news because I know something absolutely retarded has happened.

How do I know that?

Because something retarded happens every day now.

And I don't mean the funny retarded stuff. That stuff is great.

I mean the plain old "make you wish you were dead" retarded.

What happened?

Not that long ago, everything was about excess. Going crazy, spending money, burning gas, and eating whatever the hell you wanted.

Everything had bacon on it.


Some mornings, I'd get up and put bacon on my Frosted Flakes.

And nobody said shit about it.

The entire world was like it.

It was beautiful.

You didn't have to even think about other people. The entire world was focused on making you happy.

Screw the environment, screw the starving kids, screw everything.

What was in it for me?

It was a great time to be alive.

Now, you might be thinking that this sounds like a very shallow, selfish way to live.

You'd be damned friggin' right, too.

It was shallow.

It was selfish.

And it was GLORIOUS.

Unfortunately, we seem to have lost our way somewhere along the line. Suddenly, everyone cares about EVERYTHING.

Where did we go wrong?

Yeah, yeah. Caring is great.

Get an after-school special or something.

Being socially conscious is not all it's cracked up to be.

Now, we all get up every morning just waiting for the day when it all falls apart.

You know you do.

You get out of bed and part of you is afraid to turn on the TV because you know any day the whole place is going up in flames.

It wasn't always like this.

No, back in the good old days, you hopped out of bed, jumped in your 3 miles to the gallon Hummer, and went to McDonald's for the heart attack breakfast special served on a styrofoam plate.


Toss that shit in the nearest protected wetlands and you were good to go.

And we didn't worry about anything.

Gas was cheap, credit was easy, and everything was about me, me, me.

I miss that.

I miss living in a world where everything made sense.

Terrible sense, I'll give you, but sense all the same.

I miss a time when the world was all about me.

That probably sounds selfish.

Damn straight.


At 10:10 PM, Blogger Plastic Rat said...

Ok, so we've got both points in time now. Can we just connect the dots?

At 10:42 PM, Blogger T.Z said...

You're almost right. People don't actually care though, they only PRETEND to care. It's annoying as SHIT.

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Dave, you're just jealous of Hammer because you can't make bright orange parachute pants look good!

At 11:20 PM, Blogger Taylor-MadeAK said...

Punch line [Can I have it?]

At 6:33 AM, Blogger Cidolfas said...

Yeah, them good old days were definitely nice. The problem is that living like that, practically by definition, can't last longer than a few years before all the things you don't care about come back and bite you in the ass. 8-)

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Shadowdancer said...

You've been listening to Denis Leary again, haven't you.

At 10:03 AM, Blogger Nummies said...

I want to agree witht his post but i was born in '91 so most of those "Good old days" were spent either pooping myself through plastic sword fights...

Although if i compared my childhood to the kids nowadays i'd have to say it was pretty sweet. We used to play outside and your bike was the ultimate form of transportation, you could go anywhere on that damn bike!!

Kid's nowadays yell at thier parents and stay inside and ironically just sit on the computer and do nothing. Now im all for the lazy, but damn, we have overweight children! My gf's little sister is my weight! I just want to lock her ass out of the house one good time... with a bike.

Eesh, back when i was kid, if i called anyone a "faggot" assuming i knew what it meant i got an ass whoopin! today faggot to kid's like saying "Hey whats up!"

At 3:26 PM, Blogger steven said...

I agree with nummies i was born in 92 but still sports being outside and racing bikes was what it was all about not video games or computers (of course i love computers and video games now and yell at my mom but thats normal) but still kids should be outside more than in

At 7:36 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

but still kids should be outside more than in

We've done it to ourselves, and to our kids. We've let the media and the fear and hysteria make us so scared and controlling with our kids, so scared to let them out of our yards, out of our homes, out of our sight. We forget that the point of childhood is to produce independent adults, and instead focus on keeping children as safe and innocent as possible -- never mind that the world is NEITHER.

Never mind that you can't keep your kids safe nor innocent, no matter what you do. Whoever remembers their childhood as being idyllic isn't remembering the truth. You shelter your kids, you're preventing them from learning how to handle the world.

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Wow... seeing kids saying "kids these days" makes me feel old. I very strongly agree with Chaos though.

I've broken bones, gotten scraps, bruises, broken toys, and came very, very, VERY close to setting my neighborhood on fire. Man, I had an AWESOME childhood but it was far from what you'd call safe.

I feel sorry for the kids who are so carefully coddled that they can't even deal with the real world. Calling 911 because the local GreasyD doesn't have chicken nuggets? Bah, it's to much.

At 9:01 AM, Blogger Psylex said...

Sounds more like Ayn Rand.

At 1:59 PM, Blogger Aen said...

I agree with you, Dave, more or less. As guilty as it makes me feel, I DO miss the days when we could be greedy and atavistically selfish and not feel the repercussions.

Society's gotta grow up, I guess. And since we don't know how to be socially conscious without being total morons yet, I'd say society's still in puberty.


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