Resident OffspringEven though it's a little (read: a lot) out of character for me, I'm going to apologize.
Don't even start. I'm as surprised as you are.
I realize the update schedule has been a little off recently. I like to update at least every two days, but it's been three days a few times recently.
Do not panic. This is not a "I need to take a break" post.
It's not even a "This is a short hiatus" post which is immediately followed by six months of radio silence.
This is actually a "I've been slowly dying from the plague" post.
My doctor has been kind enough to inform me that I have a double ear infection.
For those of you keeping track, that's both of them.
This has made updating difficult as every now and then I have sudden balance problems which, when staring at a screen, quickly leads to nausea.
Actually, this has made pretty much everything difficult.
Peeing is especially interesting. Everything is fine and then I'm tracing an arc on the wall on my way toward the floor.
The spinning is fun. It's like bring drunk, but without any of the factors that make being drunk worthwhile.
Hey, I'm getting dizzy, but you're not getting any smarter.
Or more attractive.
Apparently, my doctor has no idea what could have caused this infection. He thinks it is either viral or bacterial.
An infection that is either viral or bacterial.
Thank you, Dr. House.
That basically describes 99% of all infections. He might as well have just thrown in fungal.
Hell, toss in magical.
Those damned witches.
What is his solution to this problem?
This is interesting as antibiotics only work on bacterial infections.
They don't do shit to viruses.
I don't know if they do anything to magical infections.
What I do know is that no matter what kind of infection you have, these antibiotics make you want to die.
Side effects include nausea, vomiting, and intense stomach cramps.
That's not really a great trade-off. Before I only had nausea, spinning, and some falling down.
That wasn't so bad.
Who the hell wouldn't take that over vomiting and cramps?
I guess he ran out of pills that caused rectal bleeding and death.
I say screw the damned pills. I'll lie on the floor and spin my ass off.
Now, my doctor says there are any number of ways to get an ear infection.
I know exactly how I got it.
She's the three foot tall germ factory I call my daughter.
She's like a bioweapons facility in Dora jammies.
My darling wife thought it would be a great idea to send her to a daycare. That way, she could spend time with other children and develop social skills.
Social skills... I never went to daycare and look how I turned out.
... Okay... Bad example.
I have no idea what type of social skills she's learning, but I do know that she comes into contact with more germs than a doctor in a free clinic.
She's always leaking.
It's like they're doing some strange virus research in that place.
Four guys from the Umbrella Corporation showed up yesterday and tried to take her away in a sealed bubble.
She killed three of them.
It was cute though. She couldn't even finish eating the first one.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can figure out how I got the infection, Doc.
It might have been that guy who sneezed on the copier at work.
Or it could be the tiny Typhoid Mary I spend half the time trying to keep from wiping snot all over me.
Oh yeah... I'll really have to put my thinking cap on for that one.