Sunday, February 08, 2009

Penicillin Maybe?

So, Susan and I were over to a friend's house last night.

It was one of those sophisticated get-togethers where people discuss current affairs, politics, and art.

Very serious.

Then someone said "Screw this! Let's play some Rock Band."

Would you rather discuss current affairs when you could be rocking out on the Xbox?

Yeah, I thought so.

We go through all of the trouble of setting up all of the instruments and deciding what each person wants to play.

This basically involved me choosing bass and threatening anyone who dared touch my guitar.

[GM]Dave does not sing.

[GM]Dave also hates those damned drums.

Stupid F&%@ING drums.

Thus, [GM]Dave plays guitar.

And everyone knows the bass player gets all the girls.

We're in the middle of creating our band, The LOLCats, when the game froze and all of the controllers went wonky.

Wonky is a technical term.

I said that I'd never actually seen a system get a spontaneous Red Ring of Death.

And we all laughed.

Then, it actually got the Red Ring of Death.

And I laughed.

I don't see why he was so upset. Those red lights sure are pretty.

Very much like the red light on my original NES system.

The one that still works.

We then spent the rest of the evening standing around discussing current affairs while my friend looked up how to fix it online.

With little tears in his eyes.

I'm sure it was just his allergies.

I'm allergic to wasting three hundred dollars, too.

Do you want to know what's really funny? Suggesting ways to fix a broken Xbox.

Note: I don't know how to fix a broken Xbox.

I do know how to SOUND like I know how to fix an Xbox.

[GM]Dave>> Did you try unplugging each cord one at a time?
Friend>> That might work!

You know, hope makes a funny sound when it dies.

He'd try one cord and restart his system. Then, he'd sit there with this hopeful look on his face until...

Red lights.

And did that with every cord.

[GM]Dave>> Did you try laying it down flat?
Friend>> No.
Friend>> Do you think that will work?

No.

[GM]Dave>> Maybe.

Then he tried hooking it up to another TV.

I don't know why he thought that sounded like a good idea.

Then he tried wrapping it in a towel.

That one... That one I was proud of.

I had to cite several laws of thermodynamics.

Cite may be a strong word.

Paraphrase... Maybe.

Make up... Possibly.

By the end of the evening, his Xbox was still broken, but I was enjoying the party much more.

And the funniest part... He thanked me for all of my help.

I should probably feel very bad about that.

Probably.

12 Comments:

At 6:07 PM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

Nope. You shouldn't feel bad. No bad feelings at all. I should say something about a ps3 here but it doesn't red ring....

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger Aen said...

Only now have I a glimpse of the abysmal depths of your cruelty, Dave.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Erubadhriel said...

you are an evil, evil man. keep up the good work.

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

lol it's funny because my friend on FFXI suggested doing the towel thing to the Xbox, and I thought it was absurd, and he claimed it worked... but you had to do it every few days rofl. I'll stick with my perfectly working PS3. ;3

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Paul said...

I happen to remember that time I didn't waste my money on these next gen consoles. I die a little more whenever i upgrade my computer, so I don't need any help from the Console Assholes.

Also, the best fix I've ever found for an Xbox or 360? I'll give you a hint. a little bit of sand, a little bit of clay, add a little fire, and you've got a brick!
( Side note: brick optional, will also accept heavy duty explosives, high speed vehicles, or newtonian physics in action. )

 
At 10:42 PM, Blogger FerrariF50 said...

He does know he can send it back to Microsoft and they'll fix it within two weeks right?

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Tyler said...

The Wii-- No third-party games, and all its first-party games are better played using a Gamecube controller than a Wii Remote.

The PS3-- Absurdly expensive and cannot have both a large memory and backwards-compatability.

The 360-- Well-balanced, but chances are that you'll only be able to play it 2-3 days every month.

There has never been a better time to NOT own any of the current-gen consoles.

 
At 4:29 AM, Blogger Meilin said...

I.. I think I'm friends with GM Dave.


My 360 RRoD'd this weekend while trying to set up rock band with friends.


(But.. we had a Wii to back it up. Damn. I thought I was going to be special.)

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger Jo said...

Ahahahaahaaaa. You are a complete bastard. My original Xbox likes to eat game discs...

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger Penn said...

This isn't directed at anyone in particular. Just a rant since we're kinda on the subject.

The PS3 is consistantly rated as an outstanding value as a Blue Ray player. In the world of Blue Ray playing devices it is considered to offer a cost benefit over many of the other players available. I don't understand how it's a good buy as a Blue Ray but expensive as a next gen console. It does both. I think that's a good buy.

Also, it's backwards compatible for FFXI. How much more compatability do you need? Nor have I had an issue with my other PS2 games.

I also think the 360 is a very nice machine offering the best titles at the moment.

I just don't understand why the cost issue on the PS3 isn't a dead issue by now. Particularly after the price reductions.

 
At 12:53 AM, Blogger Jaszon said...

The price is still an issue for a large group of gamers, like me, who don't give a fuck about blue ray at all and dont / wont any blue ray dvds anytime soon.

If you would only buy it for games, a 330 is much cheaper. Though the bigger issue for me really is the games, FFXIII and GTAIV, the 2 former PlayStation exclusives that could of made me consider coughing up for a ps3, became xbox games so i didn't need to...

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Jawajoey said...

Actually, wrapping the xbox in a towel is a known and effective way of resurrecting a red ringed xbox, although usually only temporarily.

Seriously.

 

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