Wednesday, February 04, 2009

My What?!

Okay... This is just messed up.

Apparently, a woman donated a kidney and her doctor felt that the best way to remove said kidney was through her vagina.

Her.

Vagina.

What in the hell is wrong with this doctor?

Are normal kidney removal procedures just getting too boring?

Doctor>> Through the back?
Doctor>> Again?

Doctor>> Hey, I've got an idea.

Doctor>> What if we went in through the vagina?


In case you're not familiar with biology, the kidneys are located on either side of the small of your back.

They're right there.

Seriously, you cough too hard and they'll fall right out.

That's why doctors go through the back.

This wasn't an arbitrary decision. It's not like a team of doctors got together and decided it'd be wacky to make the incision in the back.

That's where they are.

But no. For this doctor, the way to a woman's kidneys are through her vagina.

This guy is either crazy or one hell of a smooth talker.

Doctor>> Can I buy you a drink?
Doctor>> Maybe some organ removal surgery?


Honestly, I wish I could have been there for the conversation where he explains this idea to the patient.

Doctor>> And that's my idea.
Woman>> ...

Woman>> Can I see your medical license?

Woman>> A diploma or something?


So, he somehow manages to convince the patient that this is both:

a) a really great idea
b) NOT the most complicated way to get to third base EVER

How in the hell does he make this sound like a good idea?

I don't know about you, but if a doctor ever told me he wanted to perform major surgery by going through my testicles, I'd be getting a second opinion.

And a third.

They could use a chainsaw and go through my spine before I'd let them anywhere near my boys.

We're like family.

We're very close.

Anyone goes near my boys with a knife, there's going to be trouble.

[GM]Dave>> Only an idiot brings a knife to a gun fight.
Doctor>> Why are you still awake?

Doctor>> And how did you get a gun in the operating room?!


Now, to be fair, if I was a doctor, I would totally suggest something like this.

From the perspective of someone not having an organ pulled out through your special place, this probably sounds like a freaking awesome idea.

And you know you'd have to have some fun during the procedure.

It'd be like a magic trick.

Doctor>> And...
Doctor>> Was THIS your card?


Like this only WAY grosser

And those scarves that go on forever.

I'm sure the patient would find it hilarious.

It's like the greatest episode of House ever.

At this point, I don't even know what to think about the whole thing. Part of me thinks this is the freaking craziest thing I've ever heard of.

Part of me wants to apply to medical school.

Or dentistry school.

Now, THAT would take some smooth talking.

16 Comments:

At 6:30 PM, Blogger Ariel said...

Part of me wants to ask 'Why dentistry?'

The other part doesn't.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Because removing someone's teeth through their vagina would take a LOT of skill.

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger FerrariF50 said...

Got a link to this story?

 
At 9:01 PM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/Press_releases/2009/02_02_09.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7867837.stm

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/03/kidney.vagina.surgery/index.html?iref=topnews

Is that enough?

There are more.

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger Aydindril said...

What'd you do, google vagina? o.O

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger Lissuh said...

... This makes me lose faith in people D:

 
At 10:22 PM, Blogger J. Scarper said...

I bet there is a really reasonable explanation to why the doctor suggested "vagina". I'm sure of it.

Really, really sure.

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Paul said...

It really doesn't sound nearly as messed up after having actually read the BBC article, but my god I was in stiches reading your article wondering who the hell would let that be done to them. Still, I think I'd rather have a scar than an organ getting pulled through my mouth or butt.

 
At 12:16 AM, Blogger Elazar said...

Why do I get the impression its more the patient's idea than the doctors?

Something along the lines of "OMG, I so want to give birth to my kidney" or some other stupidity.

 
At 12:40 AM, Blogger Rob said...

I think it's really the woman being vain, not the doctors morbid vagina fascination, I imagine the conversation to be more like:
[Doctor] Well you're a perfect match for your very sick niece, so we can do the operation.
[Woman] Operation? won't that leave a scar?
[Doctor] Yes it will, we make an incision in your back and...
[Woman] But I don't want a scar!
[Doctor] What about your dyi..
[Woman] No scar, that's final
[Doctor] well errrm what if we take out the kidney though your vagina?
[Woman] Would that leave a scar?
[Doctor] Oh no, (not one you can see anyway you heartless cow)
[Woman] Oh goody! When can we start?

 
At 12:51 AM, Blogger Cary said...

I honestly couldnt believe this but its true. I guess the old saying is true "truth is stranger than fiction"

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger Kenny said...

Always remember, it's not a fist, till it's to the wrist!

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger RamblingDreamer said...

I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY glad they didn't use this kind of procedure when I had my gallbladder removed. I wouldn't want that thing coming out my mouth. *gag* (It's in the first story linked, so I'm not just pulling that out of my butt).

(See what I did there?)

Also - scar > cutting into vagina. It was bad enough when I had to have it done when my daughter was born. I'm just sayin'.

 
At 10:50 AM, Blogger Gwaelyn said...

Is it the sign of a bad sex life when you think it would be orgasmic to have someone cut into your vagina and pull our your internal organs?
I mean, I don't think that... Just asking.. >.>

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Dorian Mode said...

Too many funny lines to get specific. Terrifically entertaining!

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Melody said...

After reading those articles, I. I think I'm MORE creeped out by it now, honestly. o.o Good grief.

PEA SIZED INCISIONS. SO SAFE. EPIC. LET'S DO IT.

...hellllllll noooo. :P My vagina, and they're not pulling out anything through it, except for a child, and I can do that on my own, thank you.

Seriously.

I'm twitching.

 

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