Saturday, January 31, 2009

Just... Random

On one of my exceedingly rare excursions into the wilderness of the real world, I noticed something very interesting.

I saw a number of bicycles parked near each other and they were chained to various objects to keep people from stealing them.

Makes sense, right?

The problem is with the variety of methods people use to lock them up.

There are two basic methods I've observed:

1) chain through the frame

This is the pretty standard method of chaining up a bike. You simply run your chain lock through the frame and around another object.

Preferably something immovable as that sort of is the point.

Also, preferably something inanimate as people tend to get all upset when you tie your bike to their dog or child.

This is a great method, but has one shortcoming in that people can remove and steal your front tire.

2) chain through the front tire

While less common, this is also an acceptable method for locking up your bike. You run the chain between the spokes so that people are unable to take your front wheel.

Sure, they can steal the frame (including the back wheel), but they won't get your front wheel.

Everyone knows that's the good one, right?

Now, you're probably saying to yourself "Self, this isn't really that interesting."

Here's where the problem arises.

Yes, your bicycle is protected from having one of its vital parts stolen. They are not able to make away with your entire bike.

But what stops somebody from stealing the frame of one bike and the front wheel of the one next to it?

Basically, they just have to commit two crimes instead of one.

Considering they're already in the process of stealing a bike, I don't think their conscience is really going to trouble them over it.

Are you betting on them being so incredibly lazy that they will be deterred by the prospect of removing two bolts?

Thief>> Aha! Free bike!
Thief>> Dammit. They have a chain through the wheel.
Thief>> And that one has a chain through everything except the wheel.
Thief>> Screw this. I'm missing Jeopardy.

Has no one thought of this before?

Am I breaking ground in the field of bicycle security?

Am I possibly losing what little sanity I had left?

Yeah, the answer to that last one is pretty obvious.

Side note: If you're planning on going outside, don't mix Final Fantasy Potion and Jack Daniel's.

That shit will mess you up.


At 5:56 PM, Blogger George said...

Always have chained through both frame and wheel...

At 6:26 PM, Blogger Squall said...

They're still selling Final Fantasy Potion? I still want to buy two. One to try, one to collect. :(

At 7:31 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

At Ohio State, I'm not sure if it's the students taking them so their bike isn't stolen, or some dick, but I've seen a llot of bikes without the seat on it. I know I wouldn't steal a bike without a seat, that might be a little uncomfortable.

At 9:12 PM, Blogger TJ said...

This is the first time in a while I've actually laughed out loud from one of your posts, Dave. That is not to say the others weren't funny, just not lol material.

Great job :D

At 9:33 PM, Blogger Mazakii said...

What does Final Fantasy Potion taste like?

At 9:46 PM, Blogger J. Scarper said...

What is Final Fantasy Potion? Sorry, not really connected to the FF universe...hey, better Google it.

At 1:13 AM, Blogger Paul said...

As George said, through the frame and the front wheel as my parents taught me.

Although once one bastard took my back wheel. I don't know how the hell of all the people that had to have walked by while he dechained it and removed it, not a single one thought "huh, he seems to be removing the back wheel of a locked bike. Perhaps that isn't his. Perhaps I could shoot a quick phone call to mall security or the cops."

At 5:25 AM, Blogger Eve said...

i'm with george...i run the lock through both the frame and the wheel. if my seat were less of a pain to remove, i would totally take it with me. no one's going to ride a bike on an open metal tube. i hope...

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Sean said...

*Looks at post above his*

Too bad Dave isn't a GM for Blogspot...

At 9:28 AM, Blogger Tristan Kain said...

Ok, that comment two above mine looks disturbingly like the spam mail ads we used to get in PlayOnline before that exploit was summarily quashed. Does Jormy do real-life eatings?

No seats is the common anti-theft device up here. Of course, anyone crazy enough to use a bike up here during the seven months of winter we get is usually brought in by the cops for their own protection.

At 9:49 AM, Blogger Allison said...

I have a foolproof method to keep my bike from being stolen -it's such a piece of shit no-one else wants it!

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Fayune said...

"Also, preferably something inanimate as people tend to get all upset when you tie your bike to their dog or child."

I lol'd irl

At 8:14 PM, Blogger google said...

My bike has a very clever lock. It consists of a wheel-lock which is permanently attached to the frame, and can quickly be set (using the key) to throw a bolt through the rear wheel. (I don't recommend using it as a brake though.)

The second part is a cable which is coiled up behind the saddle, and which has a loop at one end and a bolt at the other. You thread it through your front wheel and around the aforementioned solid, inanimate object, through it's own loop (making a bowline), and shove the bolt into the wheel-lock opposite the key. Thus your frame and *both* wheels are secure.

So long as your saddle doesn't have a quick-release, your bike is then relatively safe.

- Chromatix

At 8:44 PM, Blogger WoW Gold Pig said...

Overused Jack Daniels reference, weak topic and an even weaker argument.

Are you working hard GM Dave?

At 9:47 PM, Blogger Anki said...

* In most thoughtful regards (read:, nevermind) in response to above comment:

Please write your OWN successful and creative blog, WoW-boy. Although I assume you have already years of wildly exciting archives of blogness awaiting.

Please post the link to these entertaing treasures of yours.

What? You don't have one?


At 1:44 AM, Blogger Pim said...

"WoW Gold Cheap WoW Gold Buy WoW Gold"

RMTard? You're bound to find many friends here...

At 6:05 AM, Blogger Brandon said...

thank you gm dave i always love your writing. on a side note i now have a new shiney bike with missmatched tires

At 12:02 AM, Blogger Music-chan said...

I actually had my front tire stolen once when I was in college. Pissed me off, it did. So I started to put my bike chain through both the tire and the frame.

....only to have the BRAKES on my bike stolen.

Yes, the brakes.

WTF is wrong with people?

At 4:43 AM, Blogger Eve said...

Ok, why do people think my post looks like spam? I was too lazy to capitalize, and now I'm a spammer?

Please, let us continue the mocking of the WoW RMT that was GM Dave bashing.


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