[GM]Dave, M.D.A lot of people seem to be talking about the show Heroes.
Let's get something straight from the start: I love Heroes.
I don't watch a lot of TV. Between my well cultivated video game obsession and the fact that TV is basically 95% retarded, I rarely take the time to sit down in front of thing.
Heroes is one of the very few exceptions to that rule.
Unfortunately, there is something very wrong with Heroes.
This is extremely serious as no one seems to be able to figure out exactly what's wrong with the show. Also, should this problem continue, the show will probably be cancelled.
This is bad.
Thus, I have no choice, but to explain what the problem is.
To do this, I will be using another of my favorite TV shows... House.
DrHouse>> Patient is experiencing ratings trauma.
DrHouse>> He's losing watchers every minute.
Cameron>> Uhh... Genetic issues?
DrHouse>> Show had great genetics.
DrHouse>> First season was perfectly healthy.
Foreman>> From these charts, it appears to be systemic.
Foreman>> There are problems in every area.
DrHouse>> But there has to be an underlying condition.
DrHouse>> Why does someone always suggest amyloidosis?
Chase>> I don't know.
DrHouse>> Moving on.
At this point, the "patient" has a seizure.
In case you don't watch House, the patient always has a seizure.
Or rectal bleeding.
Let's go with a seizure.
DrHouse>> What was he doing when the seizure occurred?
Cameron>> He was... Oh my god...
Cameron>> Time travel.
Cameron>> He was time traveling.
Chase>> That's gotta be it then.
Chase>> Time traveling would decrease viewer satisfaction.
Foreman>> It would also explain the systemic failures.
Cameron>> That has to be it.
People familiar with House know this exact moment of the show. The team has figured out a concrete, definitive, definite cause to the problem.
Everything is perfect.
Then you look at the clock and realize the show still has 34 minutes left.
They're not right.
Cameron>> That wasn't it.
Cameron>> We took him off time traveling...
Foreman>> But he only got worse.
Chase>> I don't understand.
Chase>> Why do we always suggest amyloidosis?
This is when House stares off into space while popping pain meds or bouncing a ball.
Several close up face shots later, he finally understands.
DrHouse>> What if time traveling isn't the cause?
Chase>> It has to be the cause.
Cameron>> The show seized during a time traveling episode.
Cameron>> It has to be.
DrHouse>> You're both retarded.
DrHouse>> What if...
DrHouse>> What if time traveling isn't the cause...
DrHouse>> What if it's a symptom?
Foreman>> What do you mean?
DrHouse>> There was time travel during the first season.
DrHouse>> Problems didn't occur until later.
DrHouse>> Maybe the real cause is leading to the time travel.
Cameron>> What could cause time travel?
DrHouse>> Maybe the patient is trying to repair the damage.
DrHouse>> He thinks time travel is the answer.
DrHouse>> But that's just making it worse.
Foreman>> So, we're looking for something else.
Foreman>> Something that changed...
Cameron>> But what changed between season 1 and 2?
House looks at the white board.
Suddenly, it hits him!
Not the white board. The answer.
Stop being so literal.
DrHouse>> Check his Sylar levels.
Cameron>> But Sylar was in season two...
Cameron>> Oh my God...
Chase>> What is it?
Cameron>> Character development.
Dun dun daaaaaaaaaaa!
Everyone thinks the problem with Heroes is the time traveling.
Sure, the time traveling gets annoying. All the jumping back and forth requires a lot of concentration.
The last thing I want to be doing while I'm watching TV is thinking.
But time traveling by itself isn't the major problem. I could live with it.
The problem goes much deeper than that.
It's also a disease that has affected countless franchises before Heroes.
See, an idea starts out pure. Someone somewhere has this great idea for a story that makes complete sense and is incredibly original.
It's successful, but for reasons no one expected.
The makers then try to capitialize on that by changing their original idea.
The entire point of Sylar was that he was a monster. He was evil. He was darkness.
There wasn't any reason for it.
He didn't need a reason.
He just chopped people's heads off.
And we LOVED it.
Ask anyone that watches Heroes and they will tell you Sylar is awesome. Sylar is the entire reason many people started watching the show.
Unfortunately, Sylar isn't the hero.
When the show became incredibly successful and the studio figured out it had a lot to do with Sylar, they decided Sylar should become a star.
They made him into a person.
He whines and cries.
He has mommy issues.
They tried to turn him into one of the good guys, for God's sake.
And that's what is killing the show. We're tuning in to see the heroes fight an inhuman monster and we're getting little Billy Sylar throwing a hissy fit.
That's not what we paid to see.
Think about some of the great fiction characters of our time.
Remember how awesome he was in the original trilogy? Even though he was the bad guy, he was still a huge bad ass.
Arguably, the best movie in the series is Empire. Darth Vader wins, freezes Han Solo in carbonite, and chops off his kid's hand in the process.
Then, the new trilogy came out and we found out he's just a misunderstood kid who misses his mommy.
Again with the mommy issues.
Do you think we freaking care if Vader's mother died?
We don't even care that he had a mother.
We wanted a big motherf&%@er that cut off hands and bitch slapped people.
Instead, we get two (TWO!) movies listening to Dawson Leery cry because he had bad dreams about Joey dying.
While we're on the subject of Star Wars, let's talk about Han Solo.
Han Solo was intended to be a scoundrel. He was meant to be a bad ass who doesn't care what anyone thinks.
We loved that shit.
Then, they re-edited the movies.
They even changed the cantina scene so Han shoots Greedo in self-defense.
And then, the internet went batshit crazy.
Han was supposed to be a ruthless bastard that killed Greedo for just being annoying.
That's what we wanted.
But then someone who thought they know us better than we do decided Han should be a nice guy.
We don't like these guys because they're likeable.
We like them because they're evil.
I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that if you're reading this, you're probably a Final Fantasy fan.
I know... Big stretch.
Can you imagine if they remade FFVII and we found out Sephiroth was just misunderstood and that he needed a hug?
Yeah. Think about that.
The problem with Heroes is that they messed with what worked.
Sylar was evil and horrible and terrible...
And we loved it.
If they want to fix the damned show, just go back and make Sylar the big, bad, unstoppable evil he was in the beginning.
Also, Hayden Panettierre going topless couldn't hurt.
I'm just saying.