The LotteryI'm sure many of you have read a classic short story called "The Lottery".
The story revolves around a small American town in which they have an annual town lottery where the head of each family draws lots and then the "winning" family members perform a second draw to determine the lucky "winner".
You know that those quotation marks can't be a good thing.
It seems this lottery has a quirky twist in which instead of receiving a large novelty check from Ed McMahon, the lucky winner gets stoned to death by everyone in the town including their own family.
Can you imagine a group that large organizing a giant lottery designed to select an individual winner only to end up killing that person?
On an unrelated note, the Mog Bonanza numbers are out.
I've discussed the Mog Bonanza before.
I'm not sure what is wrong with people. We come up with a nice, fun event designed to brighten people's spirits and, instead it turns into a huge bitchfest.
I'm actually going to the devs and suggesting we just save time and actually call our next event Bitchfest 2008.
You didn't win. That is entirely the point.
If everyone won, then it wouldn't make much of a lottery, now would it?
This isn't the special olympics. You don't get a ribbon just for participating.
I know, I know. You bought ten marbles (lottery tickets). Then you went and made 15 mules and bought 10 marbles on each of those guys.
After you leveled them up to level 5.
So you spent:
1) $15 extra to actually create those extra 15 mules
2) $15 more to keep those mules active during June
3) possibly $15 more if you forgot to cancel them on June 30th when the winning numbers were announced
4) 160,000 gil buying marbles
5) hours leveling basically useless characters up to level 5
That means you deserve some sort of reward, right?
So very, very wrong.
You chose to do all of that. You chose to make 15 extra characters knowing it would cost you money and time, and you did it to hopefully increase your chances of winning.
That's the same thinking that leads people to spend their rent money on lottery tickets.
Do you know where those people are right now?
Neither do I.
I do know that they're probably not calling the lottery company to complain about their not winning.
That would be stupid.
In order to win the big prize, you had to match all 5 digits of the winning number.
If you are bitching about not winning, then I will assume you're also probably not very good at math, so let me explain odds to you.
The winning number had 5 digits.
Those digits ranged from 0 to 9.
This means that there were 100,000 total possible number combinations from 00000 to 99999.
I know those 16 characters with their 10 marbles seems like a lot. I mean, that's like 160 marbles.
Oh... Wait... 160 isn't close to 100,000 at all.
I can see how someone would make that mistake.
Even if you went through the trouble of making 15 extra characters and getting the maximum number of marbles on all your characters AND got unique numbers for every marble, you still only had a 0.16 % chance of winning.
That means, again assuming you can't do math very well if you're still complaining, you had a 99.84 % chance of NOT winning.
That's a big number.
Someone with even a rudimentary knowledge of mathematics understand this and realize that it is perfectly logical that they did not win.
And yet, as soon as the winning numbers were announced, the GM Call queue went from this
GM Call Queue: 6 petitions pending across 4 servers.
GM Call Queue: eleventy bajillion petitions pending across 87 servers. Seriously. I think there are people from WoW making GM calls to complain about not winning.
GM Call Queue: just shoot yourself.
I have spent almost every working moment since explaining basic probability to eleventy bajillion people.
Some (read: all) of them may or may not have been fed to a dragon.
But honestly, I was expecting all of that. I was perfectly prepared for the epic bitchfest that would ensue after the winning numbers were announced.
If there's anything that doesn't surprise me, it's the depth of human stupidity.
Then, one last call came in.
I thought I had heard it all. I thought that nothing I could hear that day would catch me off guard.
I was wrong.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> What seems to be the problem?
Player>> It's about the Mog Bonanza.
[GM]Dave>> How did you people not learn math?
[GM]Dave>> Were you sick that day?
Player>> I don't know what you mean.
[GM]Dave>> Well, you're making a GM call about losing a lottery.
[GM]Dave>> I can only assume this means you're bad at math.
[GM]Dave>> Or are perhaps retarded.
Player>> That's not it.
[GM]Dave>> It could be both.
[GM]Dave>> You could be retarded AND bad at math.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe you're like one of those idiot savants.
[GM]Dave>> Just minus the savant part.
Player>> I'm not complaining about losing.
[GM]Dave>> ... Oh.
[GM]Dave>> I think I might need a minute to process this.
[GM]Dave>> A call about the Mog Bonanza where someone isn't bitching about losing.
[GM]Dave>> I'm very sorry, sir. This doesn't happen.
[GM]Dave>> What can I do for you today?
Player>> I want to file a complaint.
[GM]Dave>> But you...
[GM]Dave>> You just said...
[GM]Dave>> You just said you didn't want to complain.
Player>> I said I don't want to file a complaint about losing.
Player>> I won.
[GM]Dave>> Oh lord.
Player>> I won a rank 1 prize and you guys won't give me my prize.
[GM]Dave>> I think my brain melted.
[GM]Dave>> What do you mean?
Player>> The moogle won't give me my 100,000,000 gil.
[GM]Dave>> Well, we said it would take a few days.
Player>> THAT'S BULLSHIT!
Player>> I want my prize now.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, I've got a prize for you.
[GM]Dave>> Have you ever read "The Lottery"?
I'm not sure how many times I fed him to Jormy, but I still don't think it was enough.
I fed his mules to Jormy.
I think I may have fed his sister to Jormy.
I'm right now shopping for airline tickets so I can go to the guy's house and give him his prize in person.
Maybe you guys would know: is a ballpeen hammer against airline regulations?