Sunday, June 29, 2008

Things I Hate - Addendum

This is a special addition to the list of things I hate.

As in short bus special.

This person actually deserves their own distinct list of things I hate because every time I start to think that I hate this person as much as I possibly could, they do something even more retarded.

Who could this person be?

Orange tan douchebags?


No. As much as I hate these people they do not deserve their own spot on any list.

Well... Maybe one list.

Oh, I completely agree that these people are worth hating. If I ever actually saw one of these people, I'd have to punch him in his puckered, day glow orange face.

Seriously. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Still, not deserving of their own list.

Girls in big sunglasses?


No.

While I agree that this is one of the dumbest fads in recent memory, at least the sunglasses keep us from having to see the dull, glazed over look in their eyes.

Orange tan douchebags in big sunglasses?


No.

I know I totally made this one up, but you have to admit that picture is pretty funny.

No, no, no. This special addition to the list is saved for one person who has struggled and clawed their way to the top of the list of people I am sick of hearing about.

Amy Winehouse.


Jesus, just look at that picture. It looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Then landed on the ugly rock.

And why do I hate Amy Winehouse, you may ask.

Because I'm just sick and damned tired of hearing about her.

Did you know she sang a song once?

Yeah, I forgot, too.

Apparently, her song was about not going to rehab.

The original title was going to be "Ironic", but that name was taken.


Amy Winehouse is famous for singing one song and then throwing her entire life away on drugs and alcohol.

She's like Jim Morrison except she skipped that entire part about actually writing a number of songs people even care about.

Seriously, people. One song.

ONE FREAKIN' SONG!

AND SHE ENDED UP GOING TO REHAB ANYWAY!

Tried to make me go to rehab
And I said no, no, no.
Then I reevaluated my current situation
And decided rehab was probably a good idea.

Why is this person even famous?

Before you try and pull that "But she's so talented" crap, I'm going to warn you that that really doesn't mean shit to me.

First off, she's not that talented.

Second, there are lots of talented people out there.

LOTS.

And many of them don't go on week long crack binges.

Or look disturbingly like Skeletor.

Can we all, as a civilization, just move on and forget that this ever happened?

From now on, if anyone mentions Amy Winehouse, you say "Who?" and start talking about the weather.

Person1>> Did you hear about Amy Winehouse?
Person2>> Who?
Person2>> Did you see that rain cloud?
Person2>> That's a big ass rain cloud.

Stop arguing. It can work.

We all just have to work together and we can get past this.

Can we do this? For me?

Please?

25 Comments:

At 7:15 PM, Blogger Aen said...

If what you say is true, Dave, I think this girl is more a credit to ther public's idiocy then her own.

I think I saw her once on TV at a friend's house. She had a face only a mother could love, and her music sounded like a lit firecracker jammed up a calico's rectum.

If I didn't see this a my friend's house, I may have been able to go the rest of my life without knowing about her.

Thank God I don't watch TV.

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

Haha, guess I'm lucky; I've never heard of her!

 
At 8:02 PM, Blogger Church said...

Amy who now? Eh I'm sure it's not important. Off to do WoTG quests.

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Sousuke said...

I'm kind of sad now... I'd never even heard of her before Dave mentioned her, and now I've got her name stuck in my head. Dave, why couldn't you let me keep my freedom!

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger MMtheBLM said...

Sounds good to me, she was crap anyway -.-

 
At 11:37 PM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

I'm happy to say that I'm just another one of those people that really has never heard of the woman.

 
At 12:52 AM, Blogger Kenny said...

So Dave, how's the weather?

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger TallWhiteNinja said...

I'd heard all the tabloid junk about she-who-must-not-be-named, but I'd never actually heard the song, so I youtubed it. It's better than I thought it'd be, actually, but nothing special.

 
At 2:00 AM, Blogger George said...

Best. Post. Ever.
This has got to be one of, if not the, funniest things you've ever written Dave. But please, one day go back into the game world!

 
At 3:41 AM, Blogger Pirre said...

Those orange tan things are called 'guidos' btw (multiple of the name Guido).

I lol'd at the ugly tree. I'm also so sick of hearing/reading about Amy who?. For David's sake, even the non-tabloid newspapers find it necessary to mention the fact that she was in the hospital after collapsing for 'unknown reasons'...

 
At 4:07 AM, Blogger Dagda said...

She gave a concert here (Portugal) a couple of weeks ago and it was all a very long sad comedy show. She even fell on stage and couldn't sing straight, which made it even funnier. It was like watching a drunk person impersonation except, not. The guys from the TV station broadcasting the concert live spent half the concert trying to guess what she said between songs and translate it, then they just gave up and started to fill the gaps with drunken speech lines.

 
At 5:18 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

The world is full of tards that don't deserve to be famous. I say we steal their fame and chuck them into a giant blender! Surely we can do more with fame than they ever would.

 
At 5:45 AM, Blogger Miss Evil said...

:( Really disagree here. Maybe its because you're from the US and I'm from the UK. She actually released other songs prior to Rehab here and they were amazing. She also made a wonderful cover of The Zutons' 'Valerie'. She brought back a genre of music that hasn't been around for decades. I really like her.

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Drew G said...

I happily thought she was dead but no. After a few pints at a friends house she turns up on T.V. at Glastenbury (sp?). She was absolutely fucked. Stumbling all over the place barely singing.

Screw her, screw Pete Doherty, screw any drug addicted celebs. They need shot.

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Never heard the song, and I turn off the TV whenever they start talking about Yet Another Idiot Celebrity.

Give me real news, not fake celebrity crap.

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger Vusofet said...

http://i27.tinypic.com/vq5uu0.jpg <- Things I hate. :O Snap!
...kthxbai.

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Soul said...

Dave is right on the money i cannot stand that tramp can we not just lock her in a hole someplace and walk away, anyhow it's raining here weatherman was right...

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Deathgeordie said...

I'm from the UK too but she is a talentless bitch, wow she is famous for one original song and one cover that someone else did first.

Sick of hearing about her everywhere I go, wish she would just die already then we can move on.

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Caeluth said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10:30 PM, Blogger Caeluth said...

Typically I do not do things for other people unless it affects me in a certain manner, allow me to explain.

Step 1. Ask myself this question:

Does this benefit me?

A. 1: Yes, ok, I proceed.
A. 2: No, ok, proceed to second step.

Step 2. Ask myself:

Does *not* doing this thing hurt me in any way?

A. 1: Yes, ok, proceed with action.
A. 2: No, ok, do not proceed with action and -if necessary- laugh.

Your request has been granted, on the grounds that it falls under Answer number 1 (one) of the first step, in many ways.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger Will said...

One of the three tanned asshats recorded this message http://www.holytaco.com/2008/06/27/the-douchiest-phone-message-in-history/

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger Laserx said...

I have never heard of her. I am glad I have never heard of her. I am sure it's the same retarded crap that comes along with almost half of the famous woman out there...

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Ali said...

That face wouldn't pass for a good make-up job on "Plan 9 From Outer Space." And, request granted.

 
At 5:54 AM, Blogger Millions Knives said...

hmm i didnt know americans even knew who she was... or... is GM dave a brit!?

 
At 11:07 AM, Blogger jmmcallister said...

I hate Amy Winehouse... Absolutely think she should be taken out into the streets and shot... She bugs the hell out of me... And she's gross... Eww

 

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