Things I HateSo, the past few posts have been calm and introspective. Perhaps I am actually growing up and mellowing with age.
Perhaps those pills are actually working.
Still, I felt that it has been too long since I laid down the law. This shit builds up and if I don't do something, I'm going to end up in a tower with a high powered rifle.
And I hate heights.
1) Anti-Game Legislation
Okay, if you don't know anything about a subject, you're the last person who should be talking about it.
Wow, video game violence causes real life violence. I'm sure you have loads of undeniable evidence and research to back that up.
Wait... You don't?
Well, at least all the experts agree with your point of view, right?
Then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING?!
Damn, there's not a day that goes by that I don't see someone in a position of authority saying something remarkably stupid about games.
Except replace the phrase "remarkably stupid" with the phrase "mind-numbingly, skull-f&%$ingly retarded".
You don't know shit and, quite frankly, you're embarassing yourself. Take a step back, breathe deep, and accept that you're an idiot.
Okay, it's time for a wake up call. Hollywood? Yeah, we're not buying this shit anymore.
We're not the ignorant neanderthals that fed your business in the 80's and 90's. We are educated and, more importantly, we're connected.
We are legion.
It used to be that a movie would actually have to come out before anyone would actually figure out it sucks. Then, by the time word of mouth travelled, you made your money.
That's fine. You got paid, you got laid.
Good for you.
That was yesterday.
This is today.
Today, movie reviews are out days or even weeks in advance of a movie. And that shit travels at the speed of light around the internet.
Was anyone really suprised when Speed Racer tanked?
Of course not.
We see through this glossy, flashy bullshit you're making now. You can blame it on games or pirates or whatever the hell you like, but when push comes to shove, we're just not falling for it anymore.
Man up or stop bitching.
Just get over it already.
You're white. You live in the suburbs. Your mom drives you to meet your "crew" or "posse" or whatever the hell you people call each other.
You are not gangster.
50 Cent is gangster. 50 Cent has been shot nine times and is still ready to throw down.
You would wet yourself if you even saw a real gun.
Pull up your damned pants, turn your hat around straight, and just shut the hell up.
You are not Jack Sparrow.
You are Jack Sparrow's weird gay cousin.
I realize that you have deluded yourselves into believing you are the FFXI version of some romantic, Pirates of the Caribbean badass. That probably makes you feel very good about yourself.
That would be wrong.
In truth, you're running around in a pink jacket with a frilly shirt and rolling dice.
It's funny. I don't remember that from any pirate story I ever heard.
You're not a pirate.
Let's all move on, shall we?
5) Jack Thompson
... Do I even need to explain?
6) The Bachelor/Bachelorette
What the hell is wrong with people?
Do we really need to see a bunch of self-centered idiots running around pretending they're in a serious relationship situation?
Susan watches this show occasionally and it's everything I can do not to throw the TV out the nearest window.
I barely care enough to keep up with the relationships my actual friends are in. I certainly don't give a damn about some woman that got chosen at random hooking up with 25 guys who also got chosen at random.
Have you ever heard of the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle? Apparently, the people who watch this show haven't.
It states that the very act of observing an event affects the results.
Do you really think those 25 guys are really like that? Of course not.
Any guy is going to act all romantic and sweet when you've got 13 cameras pointed at him at all times. Things will be awful damned different when those cameras are gone and he's slouched on the couch asking the bachelorette to get him a damned sandwiche.
If you honestly believe this show is worth watching, then there's something wrong with you.
Very, very wrong.
As a subset to that topic, I also hate fake celebrities.
No, no. I don't mean Paris Hilton.
I hate her, too, but that's not what I meant.
I mean all of these people who get thrust into the public eye and we're just supposed to care about whatever the hell is going on with them.
Maybe I do mean Paris Hilton.
I'm not sure anymore.
What I really hate is people who become famous for talking to or about other famous people.
Gene Simmons. Famous.
Guy on Access Hollywood who talks about Gene Simmons. Not famous.
If you were famous, someone would be talking about you.
7) That Guy
You know that guy?
I hate that guy.
8) The Entire Cast of "The Hills"
Hey, you're vapid, useless wastes of oxygen. I totally want to know everything about your vapid, useless lives.
OH! Someone I hate broke up with someone else I hate!
Quickly! TO THE INTARWEB!
Every time I see one of these people I get a little dumber.
9) Girls That Say "BEE-YOTCH" To Their Friends
It's not cute. You're not cute for saying it.
Not. At. All.
You just look "REE-TAH-DID".
Honestly, I could do this all day.Basically, if you're not a perfectly normal person that minds their own damned business, there's a good chance that I hate you.
Don't take it personal. It just means that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
We're still friends.
Actually... That's a lie. We're not still friends.
Hell, we weren't friends to begin with.
But at least we've established that it's your fault.
That's something, isn't it?