Monday, April 07, 2008

Mommy Dearest

Shortly before Susan and I were to be married, I decided it might be a good time to talk to my mother.

We hadn't spoken much since the last time I banned her.

I'd say we haven't spoken at all, but there was that time she called me at 3 am and swore for an hour straight.

It would have been disturbing hearing my mother swear like that had I not been so impressed by her extensive vocabulary.

Still, with our wedding looming on the horizon, it seemed like the only course of action.

Also, Susan said it would be neither appropriate or cost effective to hire an actress to play my mother for the wedding.

Given her lack of access to FFXI (and the high likelihood for physical violence if we met in person), I opted to use an instant messenger.

[GM]Dave>> Mom?
[GM]Dave>> You there?
Mom>> I'm sorry. You must have the wrong person.
Mom>> I have no children.
[GM]Dave>> Mom, knock that off.
[GM]Dave>> This is serious.
Mom>> Nope. No moms around here.
Mom>> No, sir.
[GM]Dave>> Sigh...
[GM]Dave>> How long do we have to do this?
Mom>> I don't know.
Mom>> Maybe you should go ask your mother.
[GM]Dave>> I'm willing to make a deal with you.
[GM]Dave>> All you have to do is listen.
[GM]Dave>> And I'll reopen your account.
Mom>> I don't need your stupid game anymore.

I wasn't expecting that.

She must have found some mature way of overcoming her obsession.

Mom>> I play WoW now.

So no then.

[GM]Dave>> Mom...
Mom>> Sorry, buddy.
Mom>> I'm quite happy where I am.
Mom>> You have no influence on me anymore.

I have to say that I was pretty proud of her. It takes a lot of will power to just walk away from a game like this.

Of course, getting banned from the game probably helped.

As a good son, I of course realized I should support her decision.

[GM]Dave>> You know you miss it.

What about these stories has ever suggested I'm a good son?

I've banned my mother like 7 times.

I don't think I have to worry about winning the Son of the Year award.

Mom>> No, I don't.
Mom>> I'm a level 60 Rogue.
[GM]Dave>> That's great.
[GM]Dave>> What'd that take? Two days?
[GM]Dave>> Three?
Mom>> That's a major accomplishment.
[GM]Dave>> I heard they give you level 4 just for logging in properly.
Mom>> This has been a great chat. Really.
Mom>> Could you go die in a fire?
[GM]Dave>> Mom, I'm getting married.
Mom>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Well, when two people love each other...
Mom>> I know what married means, smart ass.
Mom>> It's just...
Mom>> I always thought...
[GM]Dave>> You thought what, mom?
[GM]Dave>> That I was always going to be your little boy?
[GM]Dave>> That I'd never settle down and get married?
Mom>> No.
Mom>> I always thought Susan would be smarter than that.

You'd be surprised at how affordable it can be to hire an actress.


At 9:26 PM, Blogger David said...

Level four for logging in correctly.. Too damn funny!

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Gunner75 said...

well id have to say dave ive been reading yo blog now on and off for about 3 months, and honestly its entirely tooo funny to not read. i play ffxi been playing since the 360 beta, and have since went over to pc. and all to often i see these stupid little noobs running around with purchased accounts. but damn man when you get onto something with you and your mom now i lose it everytime.

sadly my mom sounds just like yours

At 2:06 AM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

I play WOW and they give you level 6 if you log in 3 times.

At 5:37 AM, Blogger Elve said...

Oh my, I LOVE your mom!!
On what realm is she playing?? I want to help her reach 70!

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Don't be offended Dave, but I was TOTALLY expecting your mom to make a gay joke instead of insulting Susan's intelligence. She just seems like the kind of person that would sink that low. Your way was probably better though. I laughed once again.

At 7:58 AM, Blogger Miguel R. said...

That was great. I'm still lol'ing at 'they give you level 4 just for logging in properly'.

At 5:29 PM, Blogger Laserx said...

Ouch... what's it like losing your own mother in such a way, Dave? I mean, she could have gotten cancer or ALS, but WoW? That is just a cruel fate. Think of how much she has to suffer inside. But, I feel your pain Dave... I, too, have lost friends from FFXI to WoW... its enough to make a man cry.

At 11:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See Please Here

At 1:20 PM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

Pssst. Burned! Ouch man!!!!!! Reactivate her account again so you can feed her to Jormy!

At 12:07 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

thats cold man so cold


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