Monday, April 20, 2009

Ding Dong...

Florida Unemployment Rate Jumps 0.000005 %
by [GM]Dave

In breaking news, Florida's unemployment rate skyrocketed by five millionths of a percent this morning. This remarkable jump had been predicted months ago, but only today became official.

The list of people who lost their jobs and, ultimately, their livelihoods today is long. Quite long.

Here is the entire list, in full:

John Bruce Thompson

While many recent job losses reflect the ailing economy, this particular downsizing relates more to a spectacular lack of any marketable or interpersonal skills. Several people on the list did have specialized training and degrees, but those credentials were revoked making them practically unemployable.

Useless, if you prefer.

One individual on the list commented that this wasn't the end and that he had his opponents right where he wanted them.

The Supreme Court of the United States responded by saying:

"Actually... Oh, this is embarrassing... This is the end.


The. End.

Go to Google Maps and type in 'The End' and you will find directions to your current location.

Destination: The End. Population: You.

Seriously. It's over.

P.S. Stop faxing us."

It will take some time for the full ramifications of today's massive job losses to be felt. Many of those affected may have trouble coming to grips with this new reality.

They're probably sitting there right now, in Florida, trying to tell themselves that everything will be okay.

I, for one, hope that all of those affected come to terms and perhaps manage to sleep well tonight.

'Cause motherf&%@er gotta find a new job tomorrow.


At 8:21 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...


At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could someone explain what happened more thoroughly? I understand it has to do with someone wanting to be heard by the supreme court, but why?

At 11:40 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

Good riddance.

At 12:09 AM, Blogger HEdge said...

THANK GOD! I've been looking forward to this day for months. Seriously, it's on my calender.

At 3:03 AM, Blogger Sven said...

Could someone explain what happened more thoroughly? I understand it has to do with someone wanting to be heard by the supreme court, but why?Basically, Mr. Thompson is a total dick of a lawyer who hates video games and has spent the past several years on a crusade against them. He got disbarred by the Florida Supreme Court last year.

At 4:25 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

The current news is that he was asking the Supreme Court to hear his argument as to why he shouldn't be disbarred. If they had approved his request, he may still have had a chance, albeit slim, to get his license back.

As his request was denied, his disbarment is now official.

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Sorencia said...

So is his name Jack or John? >.>

At 7:07 AM, Blogger Donny Walnuts said...

...I thought it was Jack Thompson

At 7:15 AM, Blogger Cidolfas said...

Jack and John are the same name, essentially. Jack is a nickname of John.

At 10:06 AM, Blogger Lokkin Achitame said...

I had heard he had already been disbarred, though it does wonders to me 18 year old heart to hear its for good now.

Prick had no place in any court room.

Except maybe in the defendants seat.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Sword said...

Hot diggty DAMN!

Jack is for the most part finished with any worthwhile carrer. The only options I could think of he could get the court to repel the decision is getting the case overturned is for an injustice in the proccedings, such as illegally seased key evidence or an illegal investigation. However, usually when it comes to cases of this nature the proper procedures are followed to prevent such action.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Silly Girl said...

Thank you, I really needed that. I haven't been having the greatest week, and that just gave me a huge smile ^_^

(Kinda sad, but he had it coming :P)

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Silly Girl said...

Just because you seem to like interesting news, I thought I'd share this with you : )

(Sorry about the double post >_<)

At 12:18 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Could someone explain what happened more thoroughly? I understand it has to do with someone wanting to be heard by the supreme court, but why?To add to Sven's comment, Mr. Thompson's high point was trying to get The Sims 2 banned because it contained "full frontal nudity"...

...full frontal nudity that you could only access by entering a cheat modification (created by third party players, not EA Games), and even THEN, all you would see is Ken-and-Barbie-style nudity (smooth skin, no genitals). Yeah, Mr. Thompson, go ban Barbie Dolls while you're at it, please.

However, Mr. Thompson was frothing at the mouth over Sims 2 containing "nipples, penises, labia, and pubic hair" -- again, none of which is in the game as bought (nor any addons created by EA Games). It can be added only through **third-party content** created by players, and totally out of control of EA Games.

Wiki's article on him is fairly good:

At 8:18 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

You know, he was an asshat, but I'll kind of miss hearing about him. He wasn't much of a threat towards our precious video games (he's basically the Team Rocket of the video game world), and his antics were highly amusing. I still chuckle every time I remember that he filed GAY PORN as evidence in his own disbarment trial.

My biggest concern, however, is that the next person to take his place in the anti-vidyagame movement will actually know what he's doing.

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Aboo said...

He won't be out of a job long. Mark my words, the next you hear of him he'll be in Washington. As a lobbyist.


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