Friday, February 27, 2009

Like A Slap In The Face

Today was starting to look like a good day. The sky was clear and the weather beautiful.

At least... I assume it was.

It's always nice inside.

I actually had a passable day at work with what I consider a small number of retards.

Just a couple hundred.

I had just gotten home, spent some time with my daughter, and then went to log in on my main character.

That was when I got a figurative slap in the face.

And by "figurative", I mean "literal".

There I was, just typing in my password, when I got slammed in the face with a handful of pages. As the few pages fell away from my stinging cheek, I saw Susan.

The look in her eye was... Scary.

Yes, I know I'm much larger than her.

I am much stronger than her.

Still... Little bit scary.

Now, I'm not sure if you've ever been slapped in the face with a handful of paper.

Spoiler: Not fun.

My face was stinging sharply and I could feel it starting to swell a little.

I started to wonder if there was a problem.

I'm smart like that.

Usually, a guy would be able to figure out the problem pretty quickly. Most guys generally do not do a number of things that warrant that kind of strike.

I'm not most guys.

Did she find that vase I broke?

Did she find her favorite shoe that I scuffed?

Did she find the vast array of meticulously organized and categorized pornography hidden on an extra harddrive?

The possibilities were practically limitless.

I say practically because I just haven't had enough time to do every terrible thing a human being could do.

I need to sleep sometime.

Now, this is the part where most guys would start apologizing.

Not so fast. I kind of need to know what she's mad about before I confess to anything.

No point sharing felonies for no good damned reason.

Then, as I thought about it, I realized the paper might be important to the conversation. There were other weapons in the house and, honestly, paper is not really that dangerous.

I would have had to cautiously sneak a look at the papers.

I would have... If she hadn't thrust them directly into my face.

Yup... Papers are important.

Susan>> What do you have to say?
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to go with...
[GM]Dave>> Ow?
Susan>> I'm not laughing.
[GM]Dave>> Neither am I.
[GM]Dave>> I'm the one who just got smacked in my face.
Susan>> That's right.
Susan>> And you deserved it.

This was probably correct.

It would, however, be very stupid to admit that.

[GM]Dave>> For what?

That's it... Buy some time.

Then hit her with a vase...

Crap.

Susan>> Just read it.

I took the pages from her hand and started to read. It seemed to be a post from a blog. A very smart, witty post from an obviously intelligent blog.

...

Yes, it was one of my posts.

I would be less insulted if you hadn't guessed that right away.

It was this post.

Uh oh.

Apparently, I had made a sort of big deal about her playing a WoW trial. I may or may not have likened it to sleeping with another man.

This would not be a problem had I not just FINISHED PLAYING A WOW TRIAL.

Then she started to yell.

I don't know. Something about a pot and a kettle and a discussion about color.

I didn't really pay attention.

I was busy waiting for her to throw another punch. Wife or not, one swing and she gets a Hadouken upside her head.

The yelling started to slow and diminish in volume. This meant she was starting to wrap it up.

Better start paying attention again.

Susan>> And what do you have to say for yourself?

Think.

Think think think.

[GM]Dave>> Did you really print this out?
[GM]Dave>> That was a little unnecessary.
[GM]Dave>> You're just wasting paper.

This was the wrong answer.

Have you ever been hit with a laptop?

22 Comments:

At 5:36 PM, Blogger TJ said...

I love the ending, great work as usual Dave :)

But I'm fairly disappointed, I was hoping for an overview of your final opinions of WoW, I bet it would be fun to read.

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger Surazal said...

Is it wrong to say I saw this coming? Or is it worse that I didn't warn you?

Meh.

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Retromash said...

Like the Brad Paisley song "I'm Still a Guy", says, you are. And you must pay for it.

Also to pay should be the person who may have contacted Susan about a post from 2006 which she may have not known about at all. Hopefully someone who plays FFXI.

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger Strings said...

Although I hate the mindset, it IS common:

You have the penis, therefor you're wrong.

Be glad you're not a shooter: we have MANY loaded guns around the house. If I did something similar to Spoon, I'd get shot.

 
At 6:26 PM, Blogger Ellothar121 said...

By Hadouken, do you mean Shoryuken?

Energy balls are very difficult to conjure parallel to one's body, and are generally accompanied by more shouting.

Eh =/

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger jasonx254 said...

Well there is a solution....

Covert t the dark side and play wow forever.

Either that or give her the address of the donater and tell her its all his fault as he bribed you with money. We ll know that is GM Dave's one true kryptonite.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger Cierra said...

I agree with Jason.
I'm willing to bet that whomever the donater was that suggested such a foul deed is either laughing their ass off at the irony of it all...
Or shaking in their boots whilst fearing the wrath of a slightly wounded GMDave.
I guess we will find out soon.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger Cierra said...

I agree with Jason.
I'm willing to bet that whomever the donater was that suggested such a foul deed is either laughing their ass off at the irony of it all...
Or shaking in their boots whilst fearing the wrath of a slightly wounded GMDave.
I guess we will find out soon.

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger Kalie said...

When I started to read your WoW experiance, I taugh about the post you made about Suzan trying WoW and I could have bet that she would have dig it up and bring it up...

And by bring it up I mean beat the crap out of you :p

<3 your blog :) it help me pass trough a dificult time last november, I wanted to thank you for restarting it.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger itsshinzo said...

Glad to see you tried WoW. And admit it, you liked it a little.

Then again, I suppose any MMORPG with people actually playing it would be something new for you (Oh no I didn't)

Just kidding =)

I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend to try FFXI with me, but she won't.

Women, eh?

But Dave, seriously, one question.

Would you fly this boat to the moon with me somehow?

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger Conscript said...

You or she must watch NCIS. "The pot calling the kettle black," is an idiom from the show, which happened to run yesterday night.

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger Melody said...

Conscript, the pot/kettle thing has been around for CENTURIES. NCIS did not make it in any way shape or form.

That said? Well done, Susan. XD I am most heartily amused.

 
At 2:59 AM, Blogger Conscript said...

I said from the show, not created by the show. He watches house, which reruns on USA. Guess what else comes on, right before House. That's right, NCIS.

Lets not be retarded about this.

 
At 5:35 AM, Blogger shallot said...

Bwahahahahaa. Ha.

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger Mali said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:32 AM, Blogger Mali said...

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b102/coviekiller5/ANTIWorld_of_Warcraft_001.jpg

(;_;)

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger Lokkin Achitame said...

I physically burst out laughing, thank you Dave, for another one of your posts that never fail to brighten my day.

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger Subaru said...

It is wrong for men to hit women out of anger, therefore one should not tolerate it from women either.

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger RurouniZanza said...

I know you usually don't listen to the voice inside your head. Mostly because it's being drowned by alcohol.

But even you should have known that nothing good would of have come out of playing WoW.

Don't worry, your sacrifice shall not be in vain. I won't repeat your mistake any time soon.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Justice. Pure Justice. Smack him again, Susan! Make him pay dearly for not learing from your mistake!

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger Magical Meerkat said...

Ordinarily, I do not condone violent actions from women when they are angry or jealous - I fully believe that if they can throw a punch, rather than simply address the situation calmly as an adult, they should expect to get hit back. Not beaten, but at least slapped.

That being said, good job, Susan. Though throughout the trial he pointed out the many things I considered the flaws in the game, he almost actually admitted to enjoying Wow (as seen in this entry). You deserved an apology from him!

As Strings said, you're a man, Dave. You're inherently wrong in any situation. It's a terrible cliche, but it's true in the mindset of many people. Don't get me wrong, I love ya as much as any married girl can love another married man she's never met aside from words on an internet page that she reads religiously (wow, that sounded almost stalkerish...), but maybe at some point you could have owned up to the hypocrisy? At least bought her a nice steak to cook you?

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger tyranastrasz said...

This was made doubly funny by the fact that the first thing I thought of when Dave started reviewing WoW was the old post he linked in this one.

 

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