Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Theme Week - Jormy Vol. 4

Since the world did not end this morning, it seems Jormy week will continue.

Do you know something funny?

People actually ask me if they can take on Jormy.

I don't understand that. I've never woken up in the morning and said "You know, I bet I could take down a grizzly."

Is it like one of those extreme sports things? Are people getting so tired of snowboarding and base jumping that dragon fighting is becoming a new sport?

After giving it some careful thought and consideration, I have come up with another theory.


People is dumb.

That took a while to come up with.

I made charts.

What on earth would possess you to fight a dragon?

Especially by choice.

I spend the better part of each day feeding people to Jormy against their will. They beg and plead. Some of them cry.

And then I get these people that think "Hey, that sounds like fun."

Every time I start to believe I couldn't think less of our society, someone sends another of those damned GM calls.

Now, usually, it's an entire linkshell that makes the request. They'll organize a large group of high level players looking for a special challenge.

My Jormy brings all the boys to the yard.

But a few days ago, I got this same request from a single player.

GM Call Description: [GM]Dave, I want to try and solo Jormy.

Apparently, this was easier than finding the Cancel Content ID button.

Being a firm believer in prompt customer service, I immediately warped this player and his exceedingly poor judgment to Mordion Gaol.

In his defense, I will say that I was fairly impressed with his gear. He was a 75 Red Mage and had most, if not all, of the best equipment available.

If I didn't hate him before...

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're considering ending your own life.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Suicide is never the answer, you know.
[GM]Dave>> Unless someone asks you a question.
[GM]Dave>> Like "What's the word for killing yourself?"
[GM]Dave>> Then suicide is the answer.
Player>> Why are you telling me this?
[GM]Dave>> Or if someone says "I'm leveling PUP."
[GM]Dave>> "What should I do first?"
[GM]Dave>> Suicide is definitely the answer.
Player>> Could you please stop?
Player>> There's no need for this.
[GM]Dave>> You're obviously trying to kill yourself.
[GM]Dave>> Corporate makes us read this pamphlet.
Player>> I don't want to kill myself.
[GM]Dave>> Damn.
[GM]Dave>> This must be a good freakin' pamphlet.
Player>> I just want to fight Jormy.
Player>> I know I can take him.
[GM]Dave>> I totally agree.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> By "take him" you mean "get eaten", right?
[GM]Dave>> Right?
Player>> No.
[GM]Dave>> Then you lost me.
Player>> Have you seen my gear?
Player>> I could solo Jormy in my sleep.
[GM]Dave>> My, don't we think a lot of ourselves.
[GM]Dave>> I bet you mom thinks you're cool, too.
Player>> Listen...
Player>> Call out your little dragon.
Player>> Let's do this.
[GM]Dave>> Little dragon?
[GM]Dave>> Little dragon?!
[GM]Dave>> Did you really just call Jormy my "little dragon"?
Player>> Are you going to talk all day?

Apparently, he really is suicidal.

I hope his mom doesn't open his mail for him.

[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> Before we do this, I need to ask you a few questions.
Player>> Shoot.
[GM]Dave>> Don't tempt me.
[GM]Dave>> Have you thought this through very carefully?
Player>> For the love of...
[GM]Dave>> Just answer the question.
Player>> Yes. Yes, I thought this through.
[GM]Dave>> Do you understand all the rules?
Player>> Sure, I do.
Player>> You call Jormy, I kill Jormy, I laugh.
Player>> The end.
[GM]Dave>> And what penalty will you be choosing?
Player>> Penalty?
[GM]Dave>> For failure.
[GM]Dave>> What will be your penalty for failing?
Player>> I'm not going to fail.
[GM]Dave>> Then what do you have to worry about?
Player>> I don't care.
Player>> Whatever.

They make it too easy. They really do.

[GM]Dave>> Okay, one last time...
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure you understand all the rules?
Player>> YES!
Player>> Get on with it, dammit!
[GM]Dave>> Yes, sir.
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> Let me just buff up first.

That action could not be performed.

Player>> Umm...

That action could not be performed.

Player>> What's going on?
[GM]Dave>> You can't use any abilities in here.
Player>> You didn't tell me that.
[GM]Dave>> I asked you if you knew the rules.
[GM]Dave>> You said yes.
Player>> Now, hold on a second...

Jormungand hits Player for 14,846 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Hey! That was pretty good.
[GM]Dave>> You had him on the run there for a minute.


[GM]Dave>> He said "Who's your dragon now?"

For future reference, making requests like this is just plain retarded.

You don't know what you're getting into.

On an unrelated note, I now own a very impressive set of Red Mage gear.


At 6:48 PM, Blogger Dorian Mode said...

I'd like to see those People Are Dumb charts.

Umm. . . please?

At 6:54 PM, Blogger Sword said...

It's good to know there are people who dont tolerate ignorance.

On an unrelated note, even if he was fighting Jormy under normal circumstances I don't think he would have been able to overwhelm Jormy's auto-regen even with the best RDM gear avaliable. By the time Jormy takes flight, it would probably kill whatever progress he made.

At 8:50 PM, Blogger Theo said...

Hey Dave, how about you *cough*lending*cough* me that set of gear for my RDM?

At 9:54 PM, Blogger JAFO said...

I swear. Did the fool not read that back history, specifically the part where the group of mouth breathers decided that they could TEAM up and take on jormy? And that when it looked like they could actually pull it off, you healed him. You treat jormy like your pet. You attack someone's pet, that person will usually try and stab you in the eye with a bus. Especially a DRG lover. You guys get a little too attached, but hey, those little wyverns keep you from lying face down sucking dirt, so I can see where there would be some love.
People. Attack a man's pet, get stabbed in eye with bus. Its a fairly easy concept.
If after a few hours contemplation, it still doesn't sink in...please go play in traffic. You have no right to be in the gene pool.
Love the blog.
Hate mouth breathers.

At 2:07 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

I thought one time you had some people challenge you personally, Dave. I know at one point you said that a group almost downed Jormy inside Mordion Gaol. If you cannot perform any actions in there, how did they almost kill one of the highest-level monsters in the game? >.>

At 6:18 AM, Blogger Matchre said...

GMs are unto in-game gods.

Following that, Dave just probably flicked off the RDM's ability to do anything except scream while he died a horrible death because he was being such a smartass.

At 7:04 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Personally, I would think it would've been funnier if you had set Jormy's HP to Pandemonium Warden levels and let him spend 18 or so hours trying to take him down. Still, big points for irony. Don't ever change, Dave.

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Vagu'Stae said...

RDM's attitude and stupidity = RDM fails.

I love Jormy.

At 10:35 AM, Blogger Requin said...

Well of course were still here this morning. All they did was turn on the LHC the first particle collision happens next month, thats when you worry ;D


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