Friday, September 05, 2008

I Just Don't Get It

Can someone please explain these retarded WoW commercials to me?

Who the hell are these commercials supposed to appeal to?

They obviously can't be designed for people who already play WoW. If someone is already paying money for your product, you don't spend that money making them feel good about that decision.

That would be retarded.

You certainly wouldn't put commercials on television.

What the hell are WoW players doing watching television?

Seems someone needs to take lessons on how to nurture  an over-powering addiction.

Do you know what it means if an FFXI player is watching television?


Okay, so we've established that these commercials can't be designed for people who already play WoW.

This must mean they are designed to attract new players.

That's a great idea. Bringing in new players will enable your game to grow and thrive.

Do you know the best way to do that?

Apparently, it involves a bunch of d-list celebrities who no one even cares about any more.

Verne Troyer?

Verne f--king Troyer?

When was the last time Verne Troyer was socially relevent?

The mind boggles.

Okay, so maybe Verne Troyer wasn't the best decision. This guy hasn't been cool since the first Austin Powers movie.

Who else did they choose?

William Shatner.

Jean Claude Van Damme.

Mr. T.

I wish I was freaking kidding.

This is like a list of people who greet you when you get to hell.

How did anyone working on this ad campaign think that these guys would make people want to play WoW?

Maybe next time you're searching for celebrity spokesmen, you shouldn't sort the list by price.

This is the best they could get?

I guess M.C. Hammer was busy that day.

Assuming they actually did casting for this, who the hell did they say no to?

Hi. I'm a serial rapist and I play a Tauren Hunter.

I don't know what's worse: the fact that I thought of that or the fact that I still think that'd be a better choice than Verne Troyer.

Have you ever seen an FFXI commercial?

They're like MMORPG porn.

See our commercials do this crazy thing where they show only gameplay and videos.

That's just insane.

I suppose we could have contacted Carrot Top or something, but the people upstairs decided we should let our game speak for itself.

Yes, I'm sure we're all impressed that Mr. T plays WoW.

The only thing that impresses me about that is that he even knows how to use a computer.

Honestly, if you're taking advice from any one of these "celebrities", I think it's time for you to just kill yourself.

You're obviously not contributing much to society.

Verne f--king Troyer.

What the hell?


At 8:12 PM, Blogger Rawr said...

I guess they're targeting nerds. What nerd wouldn't buy WoW after hearing Captain Kirk talk about it? But the others? Nah. But at least they're advertising. I haven't seen an FF11 commercial in ages.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger The Wild One said...

Y'know, Dave, I love your blog.

I really do.

I also happen to play WoW.

I know, I'm away from my addiction to write this.


Not posting this to play the whole FFXI v. WoW thing, nope.

I'm just wondering…

Where the hell have you been?

These commercials have been out for 10 months now.


Good lord man, most of the WoW community has parsed them, meme'd them, and moved on.

At 9:14 PM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

@The Wild One: Clearly, he's been playing FFXI. I mean, it's like he said. The only time an FFXI player watches television is for maintenance.

Maybe he hasn't had to do maintenance in over ten months. Have you thought about that?

At 9:53 PM, Blogger Sword said...

I haven't seen a FFXI commercial since like 04/05 when the NA PS2 version finally came out. I did watch tv while playing FFXI for a long time till reality tv took completely over and I stopped watching tv alltogeather.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger L.C.W. said...

Do you know what it means if an FFXI player is watching television?



At 12:27 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

Yeah, I only ever saw one FFXI commercial and it was back in the day before I didn't even know what an MMORPG was. I just thought there were like a hundred different characters in your party, like FF10.

Remember how it used to show how stuff actually worked? It would show a wicked clip and then it would say a word with "XI" trademarked onto it.


At 4:54 AM, Blogger Salt said...

Oh come on. They aren't that bad.

That's how commercials work.

By getting a relatively well known celebrity (that so happens to be playing the game or are given free accounts :p) to appear in an ad, they drawn attention and increase awareness of the game.

People will be thinking, "Hey, it's the warcraft thing again, maybe it's time I try it out to see what's it all about".

Then that basically marks the end of their Real Life™. :P

At 6:52 AM, Blogger GrimurD said...

First time i disagree with you dave, those commercials are ... awesome. William Shatner? DENNY CRANE? hell i'd play hello kitty island adventure if Denny Crane did!

At 7:32 AM, Blogger Aredia said...

I saw the Mr.T one last night, the first of any of them, and I immediately called my boyfriend, who thought it was hilarious, so we stayed up watching them all and making fun of the silliness and absolute retardedness of them.... ahhh...oh, and then we played WoW... :X lol

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Okay, so maybe Verne Troyer wasn't the best decision. This guy hasn't been cool since the first Austin Powers movie.

You DO know he first appeared in Austin Powers 2, right?

...wait, I get it now. Nevermind.

Also, keep in mind that all the popular celebrities are busy doing stupid shit to make tabloids rich. Besides, do you REALLY want to party alongside any of them? You know they'd just be plugging their latest show/movie/song/who-fucking-cares the entire time.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger Nightmare said...

awww i thought the Verne Troyer one was hilarious!
i mean of course no one cares about him anymore but damn...
did he really looked like that gnome thing (is it a gnome?)

anyone see Vic Mignogna's parody? XD
i hate this guy's dubbings (along with any english dubbings) but i must admit, he's an awesome person

At 11:30 AM, Blogger AK404 said...

Where have ye been, man, under a rock or something?

At 12:41 PM, Blogger Chirri said...

On an utterly trivial note, these commercials seem like a spoof on player made machinima shorts. Mind you, those shorts may be based on something else entirely... but the only reference *I* have is to the Switcher shorts I've seen.

Which are targeted at WoW players, actually... I think the goal may be a combination of New Players, as well as Old Players Who Don't Raid Every Night (damnit, we don't have enough people due to these jerks feeling the need to watch TV outside maintenance hours!) so they can get a laugh and talk to their fellow geeks about the commercial.

Still, the vast majority of WoW commercials have never been heavy on gameplay. They've been more focused on humor than trying to make their game seem "cool," I guess since they realize that the cartoonish aspect of the game art doesn't really lend itself to, uh, "cool."

Mind you, I haven't ever seen a WoW commercial on TV. I've only seen them online, shortly after they were released. I liked the spanish Paladin commercial, but damnit I don't speak spanish. I also liked the Shatner commercial, and it still makes me smile to know that with the next WoW expansion, players can also give their male Night Elves the Mr. T Night Elf Mohawk hairstyle.

And I think you DO get it, since ALL of the stars used in the commercials are people who could probably use a few bucks for lunch. Well, cept Shatner. But he's known to be an oddball.

At 3:03 PM, Blogger Brian said...

These commercials really are bad.

But how does the FFXI community have a right to complain?

At 3:42 PM, Blogger Atomic Skull said...

Mr. T will always be cool.

He's one of the few celebrities that's actually a decent person.

At 3:43 PM, Blogger Atomic Skull said...

Oh and Mr. T won't be in hell, he's going to the other place for sure.

At 4:15 PM, Blogger Tyler said...

Man, World of Warcrap sucks.

At 12:54 AM, Blogger Alex said...

Guys, remember, he's been in new dad mode for the last few months. He's a bit late is all. What matter is I still get a few really good laughs throughout the read.

At 5:35 AM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Where the hell is Mr. T on WoW when you need to deal with the 14-year-old 'tards filling up trade chat with talk of anal sex?

At 10:43 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

I've always thought the commercials were more of a joke than anything else. I certainly don't know anyone who takes them seriously....but they do make me laugh.

And ironically enough, apparently one of the new hairstyles with the next expansion is going to be a mohawk for night elves....



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