Sunday, September 07, 2008

Theme Week - Jormy Vol. 1

One of the questions I get asked most frequently by readers is why I started using Jormy.

I don't know if you've ever met a GM before, but we are very intimidating.

Maybe it's the giant sword.

Maybe it's the shimmering armor.

Maybe it's the barely repressed hate.

So much hate.

We are very scary. Our presence alone is enough to inspire fear.

It's not at all unusual for a player to wet themselves upon meeting a GM for the first time.

So, many readers wonder why I would even bother employing Jormy.

If we are already so intimidating, why would I feel the need to bring out a giant dragon to do the dirty work?

Yes, I could ban a player at any time for any reason.

But where's the sport in that?

When I'm banning someone, I'm literally destroying months or even years of their life. I'm wiping out hours upon hours of hard, grueling work.

The least I can do is give them a little showmanship.

You know, a little razzle dazzle.

And what says razzle dazzle more than a giant purple dragon?

Isn't that freaking frightening?

I mean look at that.

That's some scary shit right there.

Let me give you a little perspective.

That's a big, freaking dragon.

GMs are without a doubt the most frightening people you will meet in game, but, when it comes down to it, we are still people.

Cruel, hurtful, angry people, but still people.

Most players are scared when they see a GM. They know they did something wrong and they know they have to pay for it.

Unfortunately, that fear is often too short lived. Once they get over that initial burst of terror, they start to think that you're just a person. They start to think that maybe they can explain their way out of trouble.

They start to have hope.

I hate that.

Think about it like getting pulled over by a cop. At first, you're pretty scared, but then your brain tells you that you can explain your way out of this.

Your brain is stupid.

Now, at this point, the cop could just shoot you in the face.

On an unrelated note, I failed the police academy exam.

Damned trick questions.

But he won't. Instead of shooting you, he'll take you to jail and introduce you to your new cell mate.

And that's when hope dies.

See, the cop was a person. The wall of flesh standing in front of you calling you "fresh meat" and licking his lips isn't a person.

That's what Jormy is for.

A player might still have hope when they talk to me. They might have the very mistaken impression that they can play on my emotions.

They don't think that when they see a giant dragon standing over them.

Jormy is the cellmate from hell.

I'm sure if they stopped for a minute, they'd realize he's just a collection of pixels, a hulking mass of polygons.

But they don't.

Their little minds are too busy imagining the inevitable raping of their character.

You wouldn't think someone could be afraid of a digital dragon.

You'd be wrong.

One of the interesting things about MMORPGs is that you actually form a connection with your character. You feel like they are an extension of you, a part of you.

Now, imagine that part of you was about to be raped by a giant, purple dragon.

You're sweating a little bit, aren't you?

Jormungand is more than just a pet to me.

Jormungand kills hope.

And that makes me laugh.


At 6:50 PM, Blogger Random said...

Oh Jormy, how I love you... But you never drop anything good :(

At 7:37 PM, Blogger Sword said...

I think that is yet another way Jormy kills hope.

On another note why do I have a knacking feeling Dave was laughing maniacly while writing this.

At 9:12 PM, Blogger Brian said...

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At 9:55 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I like anything that kills the hope of the average person, because to me the average person deserves it.

Deities of your choice, bless GMDave

At 10:13 PM, Blogger RSS adder said...

omg so much lulz

At 11:54 PM, Blogger Tyler said...

It's true. I hate watching my character get KO'd in any sense. This is why I play Thief and not Paladin. Ironically, they share the same two-hour ability, and both could survive Jormungand for a full 30 seconds. Which is actually enough time for me to R0 and turn off my TV.


At 1:50 AM, Blogger Atomic Skull said...

Wyrms have auto regain so when you agro they have 300% TP. They also have a tendency to start off with a TP move, usually breath.

At 5:08 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

So much for that idea. Actually, heck, I don't even know if you're allowed to perform actions in Mordion. At any rate, I'm a law-abiding citizen. So...


At 5:29 AM, Blogger andre.fobbe said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 5:45 AM, Blogger RurouniZanza said...

I was in jail once. Lucky for me I didn't see any dragons >_>...

But I did get to meet him a year ago trying to get the map for his area solo. I just had to get owned by him on purpose. As PLD75/WHM37 I took about 3 hits and I was dead.

Fear the Jormy...

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Me, about the strongest beast I've faced solo was a freaking FISH. And I got my ass beat. Something like Jormungand would obliterate my character's asshole. Twice. And I would feel it. I would not walk straight for a week. <3 the character. <3 the Jormy too, but please don't let him <3 me.

At 2:00 PM, Blogger Vitro said...

That's Vrtra in the pic...

Ohh and Dave I'm not afraid!!!

Come and find me I'm on the bahamut server name Vitrolant.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Matt said...

> Jormy is the cellmate from hell.

Would that not be Hydra?

At 2:22 PM, Blogger Tebian said...

Totally another great post by you sir !!

At 7:02 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Jormy. Yeah. He's bad.

Gere. Yeah. He's nasty bad.

18 people can take the J-man. It takes at least a 100 for Gere in Beseiged....


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