Bannable Offenses

UFC: Stewart Vs Cramer

Today was a pretty slow day at work, so we were stuck with a fair amount of downtime.

Not that I'm complaining. A bad day being bored is better than a good day of dealing with retards.

Unfortunately, by eleven o'clock, I'd pretty much run out of things to do.

I'd fed an entire linkshell to Jormy.

I'd checked all of my favorite sites.

I'd even done some actual work.

Bored.

That's when the guy next to me tried to start a conversation.

Guy>> So...
Guy>> What do you think of this whole Stewart Cramer thing?

Usually, this would have lead to some form of mild violence. I like to discourage people from talking to me at work.

Next thing you know, he'll think we're friends.

But since I had nothing better to do, I decided to have an actual conversation with him.

I'm not sure who was more surprised, him or me.

Many of you, I'm sure, have been following the heated rivalry going on between John Stewart (the host of the Daily Show) and Jim Cramer (the weird guy who yells on CNBC).

If you haven't, then welcome to the internet. Enjoy your stay. Porn is on your left.

This is a particularly funny story to follow on the internet because basically everyone writing about it is a John Stewart fan.

There were like two guys who even knew who Jim Cramer was before this whole thing started.

One of them was the actual Jim Cramer.

In case you are not the other guy, Jim Cramer is the host of Mad Money, a CNBC show in which he yells while suggesting which stocks to buy or sell.

I'm not sure why he's yelling.

John Stewart pointed out some very bad decisions Mr. Cramer had made in recommending certain stocks.

Now, this is where Jim Cramer had a decision to make. He could either:

a) take the criticism to heart and admit his mistakes

b) attack John Stewart and start a war of words

One of these choices is intelligent and the incredibly obvious way to go.

The other choice is what Cramer actually decided to do.

Here's a little hint for those of you playing along at home: if, for some reason, you should find yourself in a confrontation with a popular comedian, don't start a war of words.

John Stewart has made a livelihood of tearing people to shreds for their poor choices. His entire show is based around the absolutely retarded things that political figures and celebrities say and do.

This is not who you choose to start an argument with.

Unfortunately, by the time he figured all of this incredibly obvious information out, it was a little too late. Damage had been done and the war had already started.

Okay, okay. Cramer still had time to fix this. All he had to do was say that, looking back, he made some mistakes and that he learned from them.

The last thing you'd want to do is suggest that your comments were taken out of context.

Yeah, you already know where this is going.

See, saying that your comments were taken out of context is a great way of handling this kind of situation...

IF YOU WERE BEING QUOTED.

The whole "out of context" thing is a really, really terrible way to go when you have your own TV show.

All of those camera things... They're kind of taping that shit.

They include all of the context.

All of it.

At this point, I'm not sure if we should be questioning Cramer's ability as a financial expert or if we should be questioning his sanity.

Or both.

Probably both.

My favorite part of this whole thing is that of these two people, Stewart is the one whose show is supposed to be funny.

It's fake news.

Everybody gets that.

Cramer's show is supposed to be an actual, serious show about investing your money.

It's supposedly real news.

And he lost the entire argument.

That's just epic fail right there.

I'm sorry, but if you just got your ass handed to you by the guy who does the "fake news", you just got owned.

Finally, the whole thing culminated in the only way a battle of this sort could end... Cramer went on Stewart's show.

That is possibly the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

And I'm a GM.

Why in the hell would you go on his show? He's been kicking your ass up and down the media for weeks. The very LAST thing you would want to do is go one-on-one in the very seat of his power.

It's Stewart's show.

The audience is comprised of Stewart's fans.

How well could this have possibly gone for Cramer?

The fact that he even survived is a miracle.

And what did he do on the show?

He admitted he had made mistakes and that he would try and learn from them.

Gee, if only he had done that IN THE BEGINNING.

Maybe he'd still have a career.

Honestly, I think they should redesign The Daily Show. Screw all of the comedy stuff and focus on destroying people who are full of shit and call it "news".

Now, we just have to get Nancy Grace and the entire cast of the View to pick a fight with Stewart.

Hell, after that, all we'd have to do is shoot Jeff Probst and TV might be worth watching again.

Maybe.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:39 PM