Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Dun Dun Dunnnnn...

Hell of a cliffhanger, right?

When last we left our plucky hero, his wife had just unexpectedly decided to have a person fall out of her months in advance. Said person was incredibly tiny and incredibly sick.

What could have happened?

Okay, I know it was a dick move not to post some news sooner. From a lot of your messages and the few notes attached to donations, I know you guys are really worried about my little girl.

In my defense, given the circumstances, I think I have a little right to be a dick.

Also, I was a dick beforehand, so this is just the way I roll.

To answer all of your questions, she is doing great. She's healthy and happy and gaining weight.

That last part is a big freaking deal. When she was born, she weighed just under a kilo. And then she started losing weight.


They can tell you that shit is perfectly normal in babies, but I'm not retarded. I know how to do math and not very much minus anything is even freaking less.

Also, in case this happens to anyone else, NICU wards are the scariest freaking places on Earth. Ever. I would gladly run through Silent Hill in a gold thong before I'd come back to this place.

The other night, I was telling Susan that the NICU wasn't so bad. Just then, the doors burst open and they wheeled in a set of twins covered in blood and wrapped in plastic wrap.

Kind of hard to finish a thought after that, let me tell you.

Everything is going well, though. Susan is officially on maternity leave (read: Mommy gets a free vacation and I still have to go to work like a sucker), so she spends pretty much all of her time at the hospital. When she's not taking care of our girl, she's hooked up to various milking apparatuses to provide food for our girl.

This, of course, leaves me to take care of our other daughter.

By myself.

No, I didn't think that was a good idea either.

My daughter now listens to people talk and then says "Cool story, bro."

I've ruined her.

All in all, it's been an insane five weeks around here.

Holy shit. It's only been five weeks...

This is probably going to kill me.