Monday, May 31, 2010


I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror. As I gazed at my reflection, I realized that the face looking back at me wasn't my own.

That man in the mirror couldn't have been me. His face was haggard and drawn. Deep shadows nested beneath his weary, tired eyes. The man, himself, seemed but a shadow, an afterimage of a human being.

It' couldn't... Couldn't have been me.

This is my poetic way of telling you that this has been a REALLY crappy month and, to top it off, I look like shit.

As I mentioned before my "brief" sojourn, Susan, my lovely wife, is pregnant.

Do you know what's really freaking scary? Blood.

Not my blood. No, sir. That shit I'm used to. I fall down and cut myself and blood comes out.

That's the way of things.

I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I've woken up covered in blood without having to kill you when I was finished.

It's a vicious cycle, really.

No, I'm talking about blood coming out of my pregnant wife.


You might think you're tough. You might think that there is very little left in the world that can phase you.

Not so much.

The exact second your pregnant wife starts bleeding, you will be reduced to a pathetic child, a senseless thing capable only of wringing your fists at the sky.

Shortly after my last post, Susan saw a little bit of blood.

Hospital. Doctor. Ultrasound. Everything okay.


Two weeks later, Susan saw a lot of blood.

Hospital. Doctor. Ultrasound. Everything okay.


One week after that, Susan saw A LOT of blood.

Hospital. Doctor. Ultrasound. Everything okay.


Oh... And I had a nervous breakdown every time.


I have spent the past month trying to prepare my wife (and myself) for terrible, horrible news. Luckily, that news never, ever came, but it's effects were still severe.

Sleep was a luxury. I played more games than even I thought was healthy because I couldn't sleep unless I was exhausted.

I had to sell a lot of my games to cover medical bills. That shit ain't cheap, but apparently telling your wife that we can find out for free in 7-8 months doesn't go over as well as one might expect.

There may or may not have been groin punching.

Between all of the bills and then the lost work while we dealt with the problems, things have been pretty bad around here.

All in all, this has been a really bad month.

I know I haven't updated and I do apologize for that. There have been a lot of interesting things going on, but it's kind of hard to be funny when you're just waiting for the sword to drop.

Honestly, I was quite certain that my next post here would have been explaining how we had lost the baby.

I'm happy to say that won't be happening. Susan had another appointment this morning and everything is looking good. We should, theoretically, be out of the woods for a while.


Bear with me while I get back into the swing of things. I have many funny things to write about and many more not funny things that I will write about anyway.

And you'll like it dammit.